Red Flags

It's been a while, but I finally met another guy who could keep up with my love for email banter. I am so jaded from about 5 years of OLD (OnLine Dating) that I pretty much throw my best junk at them in the beginning - tired of wasting my time. Some guys might be fine to waste a bit of time with, if only I had time to waste. I'm 52 so every season, week, or day that passes is precious.

So this dude, (I've changed the names to protect identities: mine will be Pink and his will be Blue), sends me the first email in a while that does not start with, "Hey Pinkcaddie - do you own one or do you sell makeup?" or, "You wanna ride?" referring to his Harley even though I thought I made it clear on my profile, that I am not interested in riding Harleys. He ticked-off my criteria (things I posted that I am looking for in a man such as "has a home, and a car that is one color") with his responses to each and some questions of his own like, "Are you saying my car and house have to match? I do have a house and a car, though, so I meet those requirements." He also apologized for not having a photo in front of a movie marquee (one of my requirements since I am sick of looking at high school prom pictures) but asked why a photo holding a newspaper wouldn't suffice...

Ok, here's a nibble, I thought, but he'll be gone after my reply. I re-read his profile and noticed he listed his height as 5'-10". I am 5'-9".

I decided to copy and paste the highlights of this OLD experience into a sort of chronology, keeping the misspellings and bad grammar intact.

Pink

The movie marquee appealed more than the newspaper because I figured I would not be able to see the headline, let alone the date, without proper magnification. Can't see the faces on most photos on here as it is. I thought about killing two birds with one stone by asking that they stand in front of the "You can ride this ride if you are taller than this line" sign at an amusement park. I would be able to gauge approximate date based on the rides (maybe?) and see if they checked their true height against their driver's license lately because many of us are in denial about height loss after age 40. I, personally, have Lumberjack Syndrome because too often I learn that I tower over most "6-footers" when I myself have shrunken to 5'-9".

I don't think I said "House" - I think it says "Home" but I will check. I wrote that because I would prefer not to date a homeless person, though a homeless person may still have a car.

I mention the car only because I don't want to cart someone around all the time, but I am not impressed by vehicles except that they be relatively presentable. Some guys complain that the first thing women ask is, "What kind of car do you drive?" in an effort to get an impression of their net worth. These naive people (male and female) do not realize that having an expensive car does not make one wealthy - it can also signify debt.
Thanks for your message!

(I figured I had chased him away because I implied he was too short. I did wonder if I'd made him think and he went to go get his height measured. I was surprised, though, when I got a reply a few hours later)

Blue

I stand corrected, when I re-read your profile, I discovered you are saying you have a home and you expect the man to have one also. The color comment applied only to the car. Now I get it.

After reading your comment about height, I measured myself and found that yes I have shrunk. I used to be 5'10 ½" and today I am 5' 9 5/8".

As for women and cars, I put the picture of my sports car on the site because it fits the profile story. I really didn't want to put it up there because of what you said. Besides, having a vintage Porsche doesn't mean the person is rich, it just means they have an eye for beauty in cars. My daily driver is a Toyota, and that says I appreciate quality.

My day was a little brighter having had a hardiharhar: he had gone and measured himself (how accurate can that be?). We chatted about my money-pit Camry, since he was under the impression Toyota could do no wrong, and his classic Porche:

Pink

ROTFLMAO. I wondered if I scared you away with the Lumberjack Syndrome or if maybe you went off to measure yourself!

I don't usually use so many emoticons, but this warranted it. Thanks for the hardieharhar.

As for Toyota's being "quality"? My Money Pit Camry stories would make you cry (or at least figure it sucks to be Pink). I still have it, though, because now I KNOW what's wrong with it and what isn't and have replaced most major parts and many obscure ones (like the door handle, hand brake handle, etc.) Just had the windshield and rear window replaced - that's not a malfunction of course. That is the black cloud that follows me when it isn't following my bff. It takes turns...

Blue

Hi Pink,
Please check your Camry for a Ford decal. I have never heard of a Camry or any other Toyota falling apart like you described. I am sure if you write to Toyota and explain the problems you are having, some autoworker will commit hara kiri. What year car is it?

So, you are in love with lumberjacks? I don't think you will find many of them in town.

There is a dark cloud that alternates following you and your best friend; boy you sound like a person I would want to get close to. Tell me, do a lot of your friends also meet with untimely deaths under strange circumstances?

Pink

"Toyota said it must be me. ( No, I am not in love with lumberjacks, lol. It's MY syndrome, feeling like a lumberjack all my life because I am taller than most men. I like to wear heels, too. I used to be 5' 11", but even at my shrunken height when I wear heels I can hover around 6' tall.

I had 2 Fords. Someone else totaled them for me.

No untimely deaths. Although the last guy I date reported a number of bouts of diarrhea on date nights. But that was before he was anywhere near me for days.

Blue

Oh, your dates experience diarrhea when they are with you? Hmm, do you think it is just nerves about meeting you; or perhaps he heard of the dark cloud and you scared the sh*t out of him...

I recently joined this site, have you been on her long enough to have any good/bad experiences?

Pink

Toyota just hung their heads and said we're so sorry, you're car is dead.

NO, I didn't say they experienced it when they were with me! I said he kept supposedly getting it prior to date night and had to cancel. Just the one guy.

Yes I have been on here a while. Left for a year to date a homeless fellow, though it wasn't as romantic as the Starter Wife version. He didn't start out homeless. Really nothing funny about it, I guess I shouldn't make jokes.

Lots of good and bad experiences here and on other sites. It's a learning experience. I met diarhhea-guy and homeless-guy online, if that tells you anything, lol. And no, I didn't cause the homeless guy to become homeless.

Blue

So, let me see if understand your dating history so far. One guy became homeless, another guy dies from dehydration from the diarrhea, and now you are looking for another victim, I mean date. Hmmm, interesting. So, when the one guy develop medical problems and the other guy lost his house you dumped them. ;-)

(I explained a little about how Homeless-Guy came to be homeless, details I am leaving out because it really was not funny.)

Pink

Actually, I gave up looking for dates for Lent. Then diarrhea-guy came along and I responded to his emails, so I broke my Lenten vow. Maybe THAT is why he got diarrhea. Not nice to interfere with religious tradition...

And that brings me to your statement that I might now be "looking for another victim", which is funny in itself as has pretty much all of our banter... But I really haven't been on here much lately except to read an occasional email. I have been too busy getting my capstone project done during my precious lost summer, and since this is a free site, I can communicate with you now. But I am back on the wagon with paying for dating sites. I just haven't worried about removing my profile. I may have found the end of the internet...

Oh, sorry, I hate it when people don't answer a question even after it is repeated, but I was folding a gazillion socks and felt the need to count them as I was writing...the Camry is a 2001. My master's will be from Strayer as was my bachelor's and a bit of useless info - I learned after attending for over a year that my grandfather graduated from Strayer about a hundred years ago - literally, it was something like 1913.

So you're a shrink, or a mini-shrink, or an almost shrink? Cool.

(He had said he had a degree in Psychology.)

Blue

Hi Pink,
Wow, that is some story about house-losing-guy; it was very nice of you to help him as much as you did; you get points for empathy. However, the diarrhea-guy situation is just weird. Let me understand this. You break your Lenten fast of men and the man gets sick.
Are you saying you have searched the entire internet for a man and cannot find a good one?
Fold socks and type at the same time? How many hands do you have woman?
That is amazing that your grandfather graduated from the same college. Did you have any of the same professors? ;-)

Shrink? No, I am a training coordinator. I like my job; I have all the answers to the tests.

(He asked a number of other questions, pretty boring stuff and I realized he wasn't telling me anything about himself.)

Pink

Now I have questions:

In your first contact email you wrote "single posting photos: Yes". In your profile you have "N/A" for your relationship status.

By single do you mean:

Separated

Never Married

Divorced

Widowed (I can only assume this does not apply, since you stated your daughter lives with her mom, however, it is possible you never married her mom but were married before and are now a widower, just sayin)

I also have specific questions that I never thought to ask in the past, but now know that I should:

Do you live in the basement of your home with your daughter and her mom upstairs? In the East Wing? Next door?

Do you own a Harley?

Define "classy" as it relates to your posting.

Define "High Maintenance" as it relates to your posting.

I ask these questions because I am tired of learning the answers after I have expended my precious time. After you answer them I will tell you why I asked in the first place, if you want to know.

Also, I am glad you already found your genie, because I am not one. Ironically, my profile used to read, "I Dream of Jeannie was a TV Show...

(His profile was about how he found a genie and asked for a classic beauty, low maintenance...and got a classic Porche. His profile was entitled, "The genie got it all wrong." He replied by repeating my questions and inserting the answers next to them.)

Blue

Answers:

"In your first contact email you wrote "single posting photos: Yes". In your profile you have "N/A" for your relationship status."

This means you didn't notice the site changed its format on profiles. I don't know what that relationship field means, but also notice that my city is no longer on my profile. I am divorced.

"I also have specific questions that I never thought to ask in the past, but now know that I should:

Do you live in the basement of your home with your daughter and her mom upstairs? In the East Wing? Next door?"

I live in a nice old stone house that has a great view of the river (a better view when the leaves on the trees are gone) I love my house.

"Do you own a Harley?"

No, I used to own a Honda motorcycle back in the 70's. Today I like to stay on four wheels.

"Define "classy" as it relates to your posting."

Do you pick your nose in public? Do you get falling down drunk in public? I hope not for both answers. I want a woman who can handle herself in a dignified way. I want a woman who is laid back and who is not a snob, but knows which fork to use when eating dinner.

"Define "High Maintenance" as it relates to your posting."

Do you only eat in the best restaurants? Will you never leave the house without makeup? When you go away do you only stay in 5 star hotels? Does the earth revolve around you? If the answers to any of these questions are yes, you are high maintenance.

"Also, I am glad you already found your genie, because I am not one. Ironically, my profile used to read, "I Dream of Jeannie was a TV Show..."

You didn't pay attention to my profile, the genie was male in the story.

Boy, I wish I could think of some deal breaking questions to ask you.

      RED FLAG

(Here I thought about cutting it short because I have a serious aversion to someone telling me I didn't pay attention or wasn't listening, but I was entertained enough to continue, but not afraid to give him an earful...)

Pink

I paid attention. You didn't. K~  Does your ex live there, too? On the grounds? Next door? Within earshot?

No I don't pick my nose in public. I do not blow my nose in public either and am barely able to conceal my disgust when I see otherwise "dignified" people do it. I am mildly germaphobic. I do not drink. I am a recovering alcoholic with 25 years of sobriety - hah! gotcha

I don't know what laid back means except that that is a subjective term. I consider myself laid back, but not apathetic. I am neither passive nor (usually) aggressive, I try to be assertive. I try to give all people the benefit of the doubt, but if you put me in the farmer's market in front of a guy who pushes me through the crowd with his cart - I can't promise anything.

I rarely go away, but the last two vacations I went on were the first by myself ever and I stayed at the Tropicana. I had spent decades hauling a house, the kids, the dog, on vacation only to arrive and continue cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. So, I am not into camping, I like a hotel that is near things, relatively clean (please don't go where the expose's have gone - remember my germaphobia? I try to overcome) and my creature comforts. I like for someone else to do the cooking and the cleaning otherwise why leave home? However, not to worry because I enjoyed going alone and paying for it myself. While I was there I ate at Hooters a couple of times because they had what I wanted at a decent price and the girls treated me well.

As for leaving the house without makeup? Not if I can help it and believe me, it is better that way. I take a fair amount of time to get ready to go somewhere, but have cut that time back considerably with my current hair style: I call it "scrunch and go". I get my nails done. I get my hair done, etc. So if you are looking for a "natural" woman - sorry. I have no prosthetics or unnatural "additions", however I am high maintenance to me for me and by me because that is what girls do. Guys have their cars, sports, Harleys, camping, fishing, etc. We have our thing. My purse doesn't cost $400, but even if it did it would have been purchased with my money so what's the diff? Since I doubt you read male profiles on here, I should point out that the majority require that the woman be interested in HIS stuff. I have, however, read some women's profiles and they often cater to the men's lists of interests such as sports they are interested in, camping, hiking, fishing, etc. I have yet to see a man's profile that says he likes to go to spas, though there have been a few that mention they like to shop.

I do not consider myself high maintenance for any man I might become involved with because I don't expect anything from him other than respect. I believe they should have their own interests and mutual ones. If that man eventually does get to see me without makeup and doesn't run for the hills, doesn't expect dinner on the table at a certain time, prepared from scratch, and all household chores are the woman's, then perhaps I will view HIM as "not high maintenance".

Blue

My ex is remarried and living in West Chester.
I don't like going to Hooters because I hate seeing those young girls using their breast to get tips. I think Hooters is one step away from pole dancing. You were going to tell me why you asked these questions.

(Ha, I thought, rendered him almost speechless except for his problem with my Hooters reference.)

Pink

I didn't want to bore you if you weren't interested, so I waited for you to say you wanted to know. Perhaps this will better answer your original question about 100 emails ago about good/bad experiences.

One dude I was dating eventually revealed that his "ex" and kids lived upstairs. I never saw the divorce decree, though I asked to due to some events and he promised he would show me. I have learned there are a number of couples out there who are separated or divorced and still sharing the same residence out of financial need or whatever. My ex had tried to talk me into moving to the other end of the house we had built instead of leaving. I refused and just left.

I had one date with a politician who kept his profile hidden until HE chose who he wanted to date and he wanted me to know that he CHOSE me. He never called after that first date, presumably because I was not suitable - maybe because I pointed out that he needed to put iodine on his fingers because he chewed his nails halfway down below the nail bed - ewwww.